


losing track of what we're fighting for

by Liberte_Egalite_Broadway



Series: I don't know who I am (but I know who I'm not) [2]
Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Angst, Character Study, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am writing instead of sleeping, I have no clue where I'm going with this I just opened the doc and started writing, Juno Steel is bi, Mutual Pining, Nonbinary Juno Steel, Other, Post-Season/Series 02, Reunions, Sassy Peter, Spoilers, The Author Regrets Nothing, The Ruby7 is green, be gay do crimes, gays in space, rated T for kissing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 05:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17616773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway/pseuds/Liberte_Egalite_Broadway
Summary: "I missed you," Nureyev said in that voice of his. His words were not addressed to Juno so much as to the distant point at the wall. Juno ached to reach over, to turn Nureyev's face towards him. To push back that one piece of hair from his eyes and kiss the sadness from his smile.He didn't. He just sat there, silent."I'm glad to see you well," the thief continued. Juno bit back the "but I haven't been well" that built in the back of his throat. "I heard about O'Flaherty. Dreadful business."Juno tried to think of something to say to the man he left. Silence hung between them like a pendulum that stopped working."You," Juno croaked finally through dry lips that could use another drink. Nureyev turned his head a fraction, which made Juno's heart stop yet again. "You look nice."





	losing track of what we're fighting for

**Author's Note:**

> I just posted a Jupeter fic named after "Mars" by Sleeping at Last yesterday and.... here we are again! I got such overwhelmingly positive feedback, which was exactly the confidence boost I needed. So if you read that fic, thank you! And if not, go check it out!
> 
> I'm mostly writing this story to tell you about a new prompt meme I've started. It's called "Podcasts_Are_Gay_Culture". If you love podcasts, if you want more content for your favorite ships, or if you'd like to take requests, head over there and get started! And tell all your podcast-loving friends too! I'll be over there taking lots of requests as well, so if you love my writing and you'd like me to write a story by me specifically for you, I'm happy to do that. Love you!

"MISTAH STEEL, whaddaya mean you don't wanna see Mr. Glass? We  _worked_ with him before, din't we? You ain't gonna turn him away now, are ya?"

"A lot changed since then, Rita," mumbled a drunk detective from where he sat slumped across the control panel of the spaceship. "A lot that... you don't know about it."

Rita huffed, crossed her arms, tapped one small shoe against the floor. Her boss gave no inclination that he would be moving any time soon, so she instead sat next to him. "Mistah Steel. We're on a spaceship off of Mars! We ain't  _never_ been off Mars before, and you're gonna spend it sobbing into ya drink?"

Juno's lips quirked up slightly. "Never been much of a sobber," he murmured. "Hey, do me a favor, would you? Tell Vespa that she's my new best friend." The green haired woman brought out bottles of champagne, stolen from Earth a few weeks ago, to celebrate their journey. Juno subsequently claimed one all to himself and was now curled up on the control panel that Buddy turned over to him (After locking him out of it so he couldn't actually use it). He didn't mind. It was nice to be alone. And it was nice to have a future ahead of him, past the last drop in this glass. Something exciting, something thrilling... something that could wait until after he finished this drink. 

Rita sighed theatrically. Juno swiveled around in the chair to look at her. "Say, Rita, did Buddy tell you about the TV in the rec room?"

His secretary blinked. "What rec room?"

"She took me in there earlier while you unpacked. Said it's a hundred-inch plasma screen with channels from seven planets." He omits the fact that he asked Buddy to take him into that room because it was on the starboard corridor and Juno happened to know that _he_ was haunting the port corridor. 

" _SEVEN PLANETS?!_ Okay Mistah Steel enjoy ya drink lemme know if you need anything BYEEEE!" And just like that, she was gone.

Juno chuckled to himself and tipped back his drink again. Damn, that stuff was good. And he needed it. He really did. He examined the controls Buddy had locked him out of, a wry smile tugging at his lips. The human fireball had placed three kinds of locks on this tech ("I don't want you accidentally changing our course, Juno dear") as if he could work a computer without encryptions. She did, however, leave him a remote for the viewing screen. He pressed a button, pulling back the blinds. Through the spaceship's porthole, he saw the stars scrolling by lazily. They look like... and here he sighed and tipped back his glass again... they look like the diamond earrings Nureyev was wearing when Juno saw him again. It was hard to believe that was only a few hours ago. His heart hadn't been working properly since. The thought of the thief's sharp smile, his casual ease, when Juno couldn't say a single word...

"... ** _ugghh,"_** Juno muttered, digging his hands into his hair. 

 

The high heels echoed behind him about fifteen minutes after that. He'd known he would hear them eventually, that he would confront their wearer eventually, so why not now? Why not, Steel, if it was going to happen eventually? He didn't turn around as Nureyev walks into the room. The thief's gait was slow, poised. He folded his long limbs into the chair next to Juno's and crossed his legs. Juno spared him a glance. The man knew how to get dressed, that was for sure. Crisp black pants, white shirt billowing over his slender arms and then confined in a... distracting red corset. And of course, the five-inch heels that no one should have been capable of running in. Nureyev propped his chin on his palm and gazed away from Juno. Juno's heart and mouth stammered. 

"I missed you," Nureyev said in  _that voice_ of his. His words were not addressed to Juno so much as to the distant point at the wall. Juno ached to reach over, to turn Nureyev's face towards him. To push back that one piece of hair from his eyes and kiss the sadness from his smile. 

He didn't. He just sat there, silent. 

"I'm glad to see you well," the thief continued. Juno bit back the  _"but I haven't been well"_ that built in the back of his throat. "I heard about O'Flaherty. Dreadful business."

Juno tried to think of something to say to the man he left. Silence hung between them like a pendulum that had stopped working. 

"You," Juno croaked finally through dry lips that could use another drink. Nureyev turned his head a fraction, which made Juno's heart stop yet again. "You look nice."

Nureyev blinked. Then he laughed - really laughed, so genuine and surprised. At that sound, Juno felt his heart wrench; that incredible laugh that he'd missed so much.  _Damn it, Nureyev,_ he thought,  _stop making me love you._

"Oh, Juno," said the thief, pushing his glasses up to wipe his eyes. "I forgot how-". He stopped, paused.

"Go on?" Juno prompted.

"Never mind." Nureyev tapped his fingers on the control panel. His eyes were distant again; he was retreating into himself and away from Juno, his heart closed off and his gaze unmoved. Juno wondered vaguely if the thief had stopped loving him. He couldn't bear it, but of course, he would understand. If their places had been switched -

"I'm sorry," Juno blurted. Nureyev's head jerked towards him in surprise. Juno swallowed hard, bit on his tongue. He looked at Nureyev's face, and then suddenly it was blurry through the haze of tears over Juno's eyes. He reached up and drew the sleeve of his coat across his stinging eyes. "I'm so sor-"

"Shhh," Nureyev whispered, leaning over. Juno flinched. Nureyev laid one of his hands against Juno's arm, searching through his eyes, and Juno gave the barest of nods. His face angled to the side and then they were kissing. Juno leaned back onto the control panel, letting the thief's hands slip down his waist, seize at his shoulders, while his own hands drifted through the flowing collar of Nureyev's shirt. One of them was crying, or possibly both. He couldn't tell and he didn't care. All he cared about was this man, the one he had dreamed of for months now. The one he thought he would never see again - Nureyev was  _there_ , under Juno's hands, his clothes fragrant with cologne, his tongue at the edge of Juno's teeth. They broke apart in a gasp and then kissed again, and again, eyes closed and lips moving. Nothing has felt this good in a very long time. He wanted to use the passion in their kiss to burn down all the walls between them. He wanted to stay like that for the rest of his life. 

Nureyev pulled away first. Juno kept his eyes closed for a second longer, not wanting this to be over but knowing it already was. The thief stepped back and ran a hand through his rumpled hair. He straightened his corset. "There," he said curtly. "Now you can stop wondering if we will or not. It's past, so... let's move on, shall we."

Juno felt an ache in his throat.  _No, I will_ not  _cry._ "I'm not going to leave you again," he offered weakly.

"Oh, don't worry, Juno, you won't have to leave. I'm letting you go."

"Stop it, Nureyev, can we just - can we talk about all of this?"

Nureyev looked right through him, and he had to drop his head. "Is that what you want?" 

"I -" Juno's voice faltered before he could finish the sentence.  _I want you._ "I don't know."

He stared at the floor while the heat of Nureyev's eyes stayed on him. What he did was messed up. What he did was unforgivable. He couldn't expect Nureyev to forgive him, certainly not all at once. And yet...

Nureyev maintained silence for a moment more. When Juno didn't say anything, he sighed. 

"Let me know when you figure it out, darling."And with that, he was gone, his heels echoing further and further into the distance. Juno Steel was once again a person alone in an empty room, only now he was a person who had been kissed by Peter Nureyev and who understood his feelings even less than before.

It was all too much for him. 

He poured himself another drink and tried to forget. 


End file.
